Monthly Archives: October 2011

Nothing better than rock with a cheese guitar

Bought a new piano! Now I am cheddered!!

Contrary to past records, paintings have been unearthed of Jesus Christ depicting him with a glowing halo of cheese, and not just an unearthly glow. Test are being carried out to find out how old the paintings are to validate a claim they were painted before cheese was well known. It could well prove that the churned cows milk was infact, the food of the gods and not ambrosia as first thought, and Christ was just proving a point that sometimes, people get it just so wrong.

When I was a little girl I used to play in my garden all the time, and in my garden was a pear tree. I would spend many hours climbing that tree and knew every inch of its gnarled trunk. The nook formed in the place where the trunk split into the 2 main, thick branches was like a second home to me with its familiar smell of old leaves and bits of twigs.

One day, when I was 7 or 8, I was looking for a hiding hole for some small piece of childhood treasure that played a crucial part in my make believe world for that day. I climbed the tree and straddled the nook, my legs swinging either side of the trunk. I pulled at a loose bit of the bark on the widest of the 2 branches that reached skyward, hoping to prise a gap big enough to seclude my treasure. As I pulled, the bark snapped away, revealing the fresh young wood underneath. I was disappointed and as I sat there contemplating where next to try, I noticed a strange smell. As I leant down and smelt the bare wood, I realised that I recognised the smell – it was like the smelly mature cheddar that my mother enjoyed.

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Why not?!

Flowers are made of cheese. Look at the top part of a daffodil and you wouldn’t be able to tell, but look further down and you’ll see it’s actually a green wrapping around a Cheese String.

What bride and groom would not want a wedding cake made from various cheese tiers? Complete with kissing doves and a side order of grapes. A beautiful and aromatic choice for the table.

Lunchtime mistake could lead scientists to better understand the demise of dinosaurs

Scientists working for a university in Switzerland have tried to replicate the forming of fossils in laboratory conditions, using a clever technique which speeds the millions of year’s process up to just a few days. However, they have found that regular rock compounds cannot form fossils to the same quality that they have been found naturally across the world.

Scientists began experimenting with other natural substances, to try to find something that worked, and which might give them a better clue as to how the fossils were formed millions of years ago.

By mistake, thanks to a particularly careless scientist, a remarkable discovery has been made.

Eating his lunch whilst working on some of the samples, a piece of cheese must have fallen out of his sandwich. When the scientist came to check the results several days later, he found that the sea salt compound he was testing had produced disappointing results, but that the area where he had dropped the cheese had produced a perfect fossil.

“I thought my sandwich had tasted unusually bland that day,’ said the professor, ‘but it wasn’t until I investigated the results of the sample I was working on that I realised what must have happened!”

This experiment was repeated with phenomenal results. However, when scientists attempted the same test with various combinations of the elements which make up the cheese, the same level of fossilisation could not be achieved. It seems that only the complete cheese mixture produces these results.

This is a discovery in its early stages of development, and scientists are unclear what this might mean for modern palaeontology. An early hypothesis (playfully named ‘the nacho theory’ within the scientific community) suggests that the meteor shower widely believed to have wiped out the dinosaur population may have come from the breakdown of a cheese-rich planet. The meteors would have melted on contact with the Earth’s warm atmosphere and effectively drowned the creatures in a sea of melted cheese, perfectly fossilising them. Being such a rich substance, this would also explain the fast regeneration of the planet, an element of the meteor theory which has baffled scientists for some time.

The laboratory continues to test their theories, and is open to offers of sponsorship from any of the major cheese brands, to help fund the research.

I bought a lovely foot-stool (pouf) and it began to smell a little. When I cut it open, it was actually Edam.

Forget Jimmy Choos – these ‘Jimmy Cheese’ shoes prove that stinky feet can be fabulous.

Fashion student Lisa Dillon from Bath Spa University designed and made the ‘Jimmy Cheese’ shoes using West Country cheddar.